Saturday, July 23, 2011

Our Summer

I noticed recently that a lot of our weekends are becoming the same.  That happens sometimes though, especially when you go through what we've been dealing with.  Earlier this year, in April, my brother-in-law Sam was diagnosed with lung cancer.  His response when the doctor told him he had less than a year "It's just a little muddy water in the road, we'll get through this."

For some people, a brother-in-law being diagnosed with something like this would affect them but maybe not as bad as it has us.  Sam married my sister when I was 5, maybe 6.  (My sister is 20 years older than me.)  To me though, he's not my brother-in-law.  He's my dad.  No, he wasn't with my mom at any point in time like some freaky talk show.  He raised me though.  He taught me to ride a bike, taught me to drive a stick shift, and he was always there when I needed a dad.  (My real father wasn't.)

My kids don't call him uncle, he is and always will be there Papa.  He was at the hospital for the birth of both of my daughters as well as my son.  He's been so much of a dad to me that my son is named after him. 

Every weekend since his diagnosis his sister's have come to visit.  We have spent every weekend grilling out and just enjoying time together.  It makes you think though, everytime we do this will it be the last?  We went shopping for my son's birthday and I fought back tears wondering if this would be the last year Papa went with us.  The same thoughts with Easter, 4th of July, Father's day and coming in September the girls birthdays. 

It's a hard road to be on.  But, I want to believe my Papa.  It's just a little muddy water in the road and we'll get through this.  That's all you CAN do, is have faith.  Right?

Friday, July 22, 2011

Adam's Prayer For Poppa

This is what my 8 year old put on his Poppa's facebook wall.  Please keep him in your thoughts.  (He used my facebook, doesn't have one of his own.) Thanks.

hey poppa it is adam. Please help my poppa he is real sick and the doctors said he doesnt have long to spend with us please pray for him i cant loose him he is a part of my heart not a small piece not a medium piece he is a huge part of my heart please pray for him even if he does pass away he will stay in my heart forever and ever

Friday, July 15, 2011

Unopened Mind

I think this blog is just for my benefit, but that's kinda cool.  I can type it here and leave it open to the what if's?  Ya know, what if someone who could help reads it, what if it strikes someone's curiousity?  Good what ifs. 

I'm still working on the story, got a little 11,000 words in so far.  Don't know if it will ever go anywhere other than my laptop, but just that fact that it will be something I did, with my own mind and words will be great to me. 

I've realized too, that just finishing it will be an accomplishment.  Just getting to the end and knowing I did it.  My eight year old son gave me the best advise about writing.  He said I just had to trust myself, and believe in what I could do.  Guess that boy's got a pretty good mom putting the same things in his head.

So, for anyone who might read this, anyone who might be able to offer an opinion, I'm puttin up a lil bit of the story, some of the first chapter. 

Here's to chance, maybe it'll work out for me. 

So, here's some of the first chapter for Kasey Chance, The Last Good Witch


I was here, at the place I had dreaded since the funeral.  The cemetery.  There was still plenty of daylight so I wasn’t creeped out.  It just felt, I don’t know exactly how to describe it but it’s not a feeling I want to feel very often.  Maybe a mixture of feeling sad and lonely at the same time.  I could see her headstone before I got to it.  It was nice as far as headstones go.  The print was pretty, though I don’t know exactly what it was.  There was my mom’s name, Mary Chance, her date of birth and date of death.  To the left there was a dove.  To the right a set of praying hands.  Like I said before, it was nice as far as headstones go.  I felt awkward at first.  How do you talk to someone who isn’t there?  Looking around to make sure I was alone I knelt down, letting my fingers trace her name.  The stone was cold and hard under my fingertips.  I traced ever letter, every number, even the dove before finally letting my hand rest on the ground.

“Hey mom.”  My voice sounded small, even to me.  Clearing my throat I tried again.  “I…I um…I wanted you know I don’t believe them.  I know you didn’t do this.”  I felt my eyes start to sting, but I didn’t try to fight it.  I knew I would cry when I got here but somehow I had to tell her this.  She had to know that I believed in her.  “I should’ve brought you some flowers.  Sorry, I’m not use to this.”  I reached up, wiping my nose with the back of my hand.  I couldn’t help but laugh as I thought about how I must look like some little kid with a runny nose and no knowledge of how to use a tissue.  “I graduated, well, I passed and they’re gonna mail me my diploma cause I didn’t go to graduation….I may even try to go to college later, there’s just some things I need to do first.  Still though, I kept my promise and didn’t quit.”  I stopped to draw in a breath, having to giggle a little. “Sorry about the babble.  But I know you use to smile when I started rambling.”  Again I smiled.  This wasn’t as weird as I thought it was.  Hard, yes, but not really weird.  It would be so much better if she were here, if I was looking into those big blue eyes and had that normal feeling of being safe.  I couldn’t help but wonder if I would ever feel that way again.  “I miss you.”  I felt my breath hitch a small sob came from my mouth.  “ I miss you every day.” 

Before I could say more I heard a twig as it snapped behind me. Quicker than I could have thought possible I was standing up, twirling to see who was with me.  I was a little shocked and even more unnerved to see a man standing there.  He was older, at least in his 40’s.  He was dressed in black, not a sprig of hair on his head, but instead a series of weird tattoos. 

“Isn’t that sweet.”  His voice was low and I could feel the hair stand up on the back of my neck.  This guy looked like some cult member, one of those who has you brainwashed into believing it’s best for you to drink a glass of cyanide with him and join him in the great ever after.

“I…I…um…I thought I was alone.”  I could feel my skin crawl as he looked me up and down, his eyes tracing every inch of my body.  I felt like he was invading my personal bubble.  It made my stomach turn as he smiled, showing his unkept crooked teeth.

“You’re not alone Kasey, not by any means.”  His smile grew as he looked me in the eye.  “You’ll never be alone, but I doubt you’ll live long enough to realize that.”

I didn’t have time to react before I felt the stinging in my cheek.  That jerk hit me.  A full force backhand.  No one had ever hit me, not in my entire life.  I was a little more prepared when he swung the second time, ducking my head down just in time to keep another blow from colliding with my face.  I watched as he pulled a dagger from his back pocket, my heart pounding in my ears.

                As if by reflex I threw my hands up trying to shield my body, anything to keep him from planting that blade anywhere in me.  What I didn’t expect to see was the brightest blue light shooting from my palms.  I watched as it hit him square in the chest, knocking him flat of his back.  He gasped a little before going limp, his mouth open and eyes just barely closed.


                Had that light really come from me?  I was scared, well, bordering between that and completely terrified.


                It took a minute to register that someone was calling me, pulling me gently by the back of my shirt and to my Jeep.  When I finally could focus I let out a sigh of relief when I realized I knew my capture.  Melynn, my mom’s best friend, or Aunt Mel as I called her.  She had pulled me from the graveyard and was now driving my jeep away from what I could only hope was still an unconscious ass of a man.

                “What the hell was that?”  My voice was stronger now, stronger than it had been just 10 minutes ago.

                “Watch your mouth.”  She checked the rear view mirror making sure we weren’t being followed.

                “Are you kidding me?”  I had just been attacked and shot blue light from my palms, but she wanted me to watch my mouth.

                “Just breathe Kasey.”  She reached over placing a comforting hand on top of my mine.  “You shouldn’t have gone there, not by yourself.  You’re supposed to be at graduation.”

                I started to explain, to tell her my reasons behind not going.  But then I realized something.  “Hold up, what were you doing out here?”

                She let out a sigh as she took her hand from mine running it through her dark blonde hair.  She was a pretty woman, probably a knock out in her day, but you could almost see the stress that was starting to work its way up into her face and around her blue eyes.  Not the same blue as my moms were, but just a little bit darker.  “I was at graduation but Sam told me he didn’t think you were coming, so I checked here first.”

                I hung my head a little.  She was coming in my mom’s place.  She probably would’ve come even if my mom were still here.  My thoughts shifted pretty quickly, back to the man and the blue light from my hands.  I turned them over checking for what I was sure would be some big disgusting gaping holes in my palms.  There weren’t any though, not one scratch.  I rubbed them together and looked again.  What the hell was happening to me?

                “It’s ok Kase.”  Aunt Mel reached over, placing her hand back one mine.  “I guess I need to explain, but not in the car, okay?  We’re almost to town.  Can you wait that long?”

                I nodded. My brain was still trying to process this.  Looking up I realized she was right, we were away from the country roads and getting closer to the small town of Sayer, Alabama.  We were 30 minutes away from home, my home.  It didn’t take long until we were pulling into the parking lot of the only hotel here.  I was still kind of dazed but managed to keep up with her as she checked us in.  I think that auto pilot thing was kicking in again.

                She slid a card key into the lock and let us in the door.  It was a small room, two double beds filling it for the most part. I walked to the closest bed, sitting down with what I am sure was a dumb founded expression on my face.  Aunt Mel sat on the bed across from me.  She smiled kindly as she fidgeted with her hands.  “You ready for that explanation?”

 I nodded.

                “There’s no easy way to tell you this Kase, but you are a witch.  The last good witch actually.”